In the midst of the pandemic, how learning to tame your inner critic is a must. – Leaders are known to manage their own inner critic to help them thrive in challenging situations & help others do the same.

Jobs, performance, expectations, forest fires, rapes, economy, domestic violence, lack of health care, survival issues, deadlines, quarantined parenting, screen fatigue, elderly parents, salary cut, climate change, school/college education, mental health and radical justice are some of the emergencies impacting our lives irrespective of our location on the earth today. Such situations form a perfect condition for inner critic to show up and put us under pressure to create stress.

Being leaders at home or organisation, it is imperative for all of us to be aware of the Inner critic which may sound very logical to us in the beginning however can damage our mindsets like a termite. It is slow but consistent in its effort to create negative mindsets that breaks confidence and self-esteem by creating fears, insecurity and anxiety.

What is inner critic?

It’s the voice of self-doubt inside pulling us down and creating unfavourable energies in the body and mind.

Self-doubt can be very damaging if not recognised and dealt with on time. It has the capacity to captivate us. When Leaders are going through inner criticism it starts showing up in their conduct in the form of micromanagement, negative feedback, aggression and other forms of harshness. Inner critic is like internal enemy constant working against our immune system causing stress and worry.

Recognising and challenging this “voice” is one of the most essential psychological task we can overcome in striving to be influential at our leadership at home as well as work.

For our real self to win out over our anti-self, we have to understand how our inner voices operate. Where do they come from? What’s their purpose? How can we tap into our real, positive sense of self, while quieting our critical inner voice?

The solution lies in creating a broader strategy to create a strong perception of our higher self which stays unaffected by the environment and situations and always supports us by extending the wisdom required to disassociate from the inner critic time to time. It is like an inner mentor that helps us play big in our most vulnerable moments and provide us the strength to step up to our potential irrespective of the probabilities around.

As per Lisa firestone, a clinical psychologist we can work with our inner critic in following ways:

1. Notice the critic’s voice: Some of the common inner critics are – You are not that intelligent, you are not beautiful, you are annoying, you are stupid, you look fat, don’t be over confident, don’t be so giving, don’t show so much, don’t worry about others etc..

Try to notice when its undermining insults and instructions chime in throughout the day.
A lot of times we rationalise this voice to others without recognising the damage it is causing to our state of mind.

2. Create a Distance: An intentional exercise can be to write down the inner critic on paper in first language like ‘I am not fun’, I am not interesting  etc and then next to it change it to ‘you are not fun’, you are not interesting so if the name of your inner critic is John then you can write ‘John you are not fun, John you are not interesting’.

By doing this you have taken first step towards creating a distance between you and your inner critic psychologically.

3. Hear it’s sound: Usually people hear familiar voices in their inner critic, for some it is father for some it is mother or some other person they are familiar with. So recognise the sound of the inner critic. This is a way to create another level of distance with the inner critic by recognising the place it comes from.

4. Challenge it: It’s very important when you write down your voices not to let your self-hating or self-shaming thoughts take over. 

This time, use “I” statements. “I am a worthy person with many fun-loving qualities. I have a lot to offer.” Be intentional as you do this exercise. Journaling is one of the most effective ways to overcome your inner critic. Writing gratitude and appreciation for self supports brain and body to create positive mental maps.

5. Prove it wrong by taking action : Try to notice the triggers of your inner critic, be it connection with childhood or an experience of rejection, notice the patterns in which it occurs and the reactions it creates in you. Try taking actions settles the impact of those triggers. For example if you know the other person will have critical feedback, prepare your mind with all that can come your way and talk through it in advance to avoid the surprise attack.

Inner critic if nurtured consistently can curbs the ability to function optimally. The whole objective of inner critic is to feed fear and stop you from action and when we do opposite to what our inner critic wants us to do, we refuse to give power to it.

Twyla Tharp very aptly mentions in her book “Creative habit” about the Big Five fears all of us have:

1. People will laugh at me
2. Someone has done it before
3. I have nothing to say
4. I will upset someone I love
5. Once executed, the idea will never be as good as it is in my mind

Inner critic feeds these fears in us to operate marginally and keep us away from Showing up! What is important to realise is that they take birth inside our mind and can get killed there too. Taking charge of killing the inner critic demands a choice.

Did you give permission to your inner critic?